| Resiliency factors + Protective factors |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|11:56 pm] |
"Researchers have been interested in the development of children who grow up in the midst of severe emotional and social deprivation yet seem to develop healthy and gratifying adult lives. In studying these survivors, Bernard and others (Bernard, 1987) attempted to delineate the protective factors that create such resilient children.
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| Fasting/Helping/Full Exchange |
[Aug. 31st, 2005|10:54 pm] |
Fasting"Some people cling to the illusion of innocence by minimizing their participation in life. Rather than taking fully what they need and feeling beholden, they close themselves off and withdraw from life and need. They feel free from need and obligation, and because they don't feel need, they need not take. Although they feel beholden to noone and innocent, theirs is the innocence of the uninvolved observer. They don't get their hands dirty, so they often consider themselves to be superior or special. Nevertheless, their enjoyment of life is limited by the shallowness of their involvement, and they feel correspondingly empty and dissatisfied.
This posture can be observed in many people who struggle with depression. Their refusal to welcome wht life offers develops first in the relationship with one or both of their parents, and later is carried over to other relationships and to the good things of the world. Some people justify their refusal to take with the complaint that what they were given wasn't enough or was not the right thing. Others justify not taking by pointing to the errors and limitations of the giver, but the result is the same -- they remain passive nad empty. For example, people who reject or judge their parents -- regardles of what their parents may have done -- typically feel incomplete and lost.
We observe the opposite in people who have succeeded in taking their parents as they are, and in taking from them everything that was given. They experience this taking as continuous flow of strength and nourishment that enables them to enter other relationships in which they, too, can take and give richly -- even if their parents treated them badly.
HelpingOther people try to maintain innocence by denying their need until after they've given enough to feel entitled. Giving before taking allows a fleeting sense of entitlement that dissolves as soon as we've taken what we need. Persons who prefer to maintain their feeling of entitlement rather than to allow others to give to them freely say, in effect, "It's better for you to feel obligated to me than for me to feel obligated for you". Many idealists hold this posture, and it's widely known as the "helper's syndrome".
Such self-centered striving for freedom from need is fundamentally hostile to relationships. Whoever wants only to give without taking clings to an illusion of superiority, rejects the bounty of life, and denies equally to his or her partner. Others soon want nothig from those who refuse to take, and become resentful and withdraw from them. For this reason, chronic helpers often are lonely and eventually become bitter.
Full exchangeThe third and the most beautiful path to innocence in giving and taking is the contentment that follows a plentiful exchange of giving and taking, when we have both given and taken fully. This exchange is the heart of relationship: The giver takes, the taker gives. Both are giver and taker equally.
Not only is the balance of giving and taking important to this innocence, but so also is the volume. A tiny volume of giving and taking brings no profit; a high volume makes us wealthy. High-volume giving and taking bring with them a feeling of abundance and happiness."
-- Bert Hellinger, "Love's Hidden Symmetry" |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 27th, 2005|09:33 pm] |
Эмоциональная открытость -- показывание внутреннего реинфорсмента.
Эмоциональная близость -- чувствительность к взаимному реинфорсменту. |
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| "Хороший мальчик" и эмоциональный мальчик |
[Aug. 13th, 2005|09:24 pm] |
Как я сейчас понимаю, это связано вообще с нормативной и торговой культурами. Подойти к ста девочкам -- тренировка в общении, в обмене. Я вот Агате, когда она спросила, как развивать эмоциональность, посоветовал ходить на рынок 2 раза в неделю, стараться наэкономить как можно больше (не ради бюджета, а ради упражнения), и при этом оставить о себе приятное впечатление. Это тот же подход к 100 девушкам. Подходить нужно действительно к толпе людей, поскольку нужно научиться выражать свои эмоции и тонко слушать чужие эмоции -- очень сложные навыки.
"Хороший мальчик" -- мальчик из нормативной культуры, который делает то, что нужно/должно делать, и для которого девочка -- контроллер, проверяющий, правильно ли он к девушке подошел, и дающая по голове, если за столом знакомства он пытался есть омара не той вилочкой.
Вместо этого в пикапе учат торговым отношениям с девочкой. |
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| Экономика любви |
[Aug. 13th, 2005|07:14 pm] |
Люди обычно называют дружбой совместное времяпрепровождение, взаимную
помощь в делах, обмен услугами - одним словом, такие отношения, где
себялюбие надеется что-нибудь выгадать.
-- Ларошфуко
Дейтинг для женщины -- поиск достойного для размножения мужчины, носителя хорошей генетики. Оценка генетики мужчины производится на глаз, по телу, по его поведению, быстроте реакции, узнаванием мнения подруг и т п. Чем более популярен мужчина среди женщин, тем больше надежда, что и дети от этого мужчины будут популярными в сообществе мужчинами, разносыщими её, женщины, генетику дальше.
Успешные отношения с женщиной состоят из торговли ресурсными услугами и мало связанной торговли сексуальными услугами. С возрастом у женщин перевод ресурсов в сексуальную валюту облегчается. (Особенно с малолетками) важно не смешивать торговлю услугами и сексом.
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|04:31 pm] |
Эмоциональная близость == успешная микроторговля |
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